Talking About Your Fat - by Bonnie Sim (c)2011

A 10-minute free writing exercise

Prompt:  Is it more difficult for you to speak kindly of honestly?

“Do I look fat in this?” Suppose the answer is yes.  Maybe the answer is, “a little bit.” What do I say?  How do I say it?

You know, I wish I could just say, “Yes, you do, just a little.  But never mind about what you look like, stop being so damn insecure!” That’s what I wish I could say.  But that will never happen.  I’m a nice girl.  So it’s obviously more difficult for me to speak honestly than to speak kindly.  But is it really?  I’m terrible at small talk.  I choke on the words because they sound phony.  I don’t think people care what the weather is so much as they care about having a distraction from revealing too much of themselves…truth.

I do it differently.  I don’t talk at all.  I’m against small talk.  I cut straight to the chase, but I won’t tell you you’re fat.

You don’t look fat.

Just big-boned.

Ridiculous.  I won’t say that either.  What the hell is big-boned and why is it better than being fat?  I’d rather be fat.  Who wants big bones?! Sounds like a medical horror to me.  At least fat melts away, or it can.

Whatever.  I won’t tell you you’re fat.  I’ll probably change the subject…tell you I like the colour of your dress and ask you where you found it.

Dishonest.

Kind.

I don’t care about the dress that makes you look fat.  Why would I?  It makes you look fat.  I definitely don’t want to know where it came from.  Or perhaps I do, so I can avoid that place always.

Honest.

Unkind.

Well.  It seems there’s a 50/50 chance you’ll get an honest answer from me.  If it’s not, then at least it will be kind.  Probably not both though… especially if we’re talking about your fat.

Bonnie Sim:  bonniesim@shaw.ca